Happy Ending

Well, here we are at the end of October and my Happiness Project is finding success.  This month was to embrace who I really am, faults and all.  This will obviously take my entire life to be good at but this month was a really good start at looking inward.  I rated myself in six areas:  say what I mean, feel what I feel, be honest, be decisive, don't judge, and stay true to myself.  I gave myself  7's, 8's and 9's in all areas.  I can honestly say that I stayed aware of my feelings and tried to be direct in most situations.  I have also learned that I can talk too much and explain too much and "control" too much.  My husband's advice is to just get to the point!  Well, I'll work on that and try not to control my surroundings too much by talking my way through everything, just to make sure my feelings and words are out.  I liked this month and felt like it was well worth the effort.  Tune in on November 1st for my next resolution!

Do I Have to be an Adult?

Have you ever experienced a time when you wished you didn't have to be such an "adult"?  When you could give up on having to be so "mature" all the time?  Have you ever really wanted to throw a fit and not care what people thought about what you just said or did?  Well, welcome to my past week.  I think that in trying to be so aware of how I feel or if I'm being true to myself, or saying what I feel and so on, I have times when I just don't want to "filter" anymore.  I just don't want to be the nice girl anymore.  So I wasn't this week--at times.  Finding my true feelings this month has been a good way to find my limits--in conversations, in emotions, in giving and receiving.  As women, we really do try to do it all, but I can see that staying true to who you really are and what you really feel can set you free and set up boundaries at the same time.  That has been my biggest lesson this week.  One more week to embrace my true self before I start a new resolution for November!  I can see that staying true to myself will take a lifetime to learn.

A Happy Medium

Well, I find that I'm either not saying what I want to say, or I'm babbling.  I have had a hard time this past week trying to figure out what is worth saying and what is not.  When it comes to family, do I really say everything that I feel?  Well, maybe not.  I've always had a hard time trying to figure out how much to say.  I am pretty honest with people about how I feel but I don't always think it comes out right--or the right amount.  Too much?  Too little?

I'm also finding that I'm switching "modes" all the time.  I have a mommy-mode, I have a performance-mode, I have a talking-to-teachers-mode, I have a talking-to-sister-mode, I have a talking-to-husband-mode.  And I'm trying to decide:  is it better to have one mode, or many modes?  I don't the answer yet.  But it all has to do with who I am.

Staying True

I often wonder how I come across to other people:  do they like me?  am I being "nice" enough?  am I saying the right thing?  I tried hard in my conversations this week to speak really honestly either about how I was feeling or in reaction to what was said to me.  I find that everyone wants to be heard.  Everyone wants to be liked for who they are.  Everyone needs to know they are loved.  I have taken more time with my kids this week.  Hugging them, slowing down to listen to their stories.  Really hearing what they're saying.  It's easier to do that with kids than it is with husbands.  I think I take Andy for granted because he's an adult and can "deal" with things in his own life.  But I must remember that he needs that authentic love and grace as well.  I feel blessed that I had parents and a God who have taught me how to find that within myself.  I haven't ever really "needed" a lot of verbal pats on the back and I'm glad.  But it's great when I get them, and it's nice to be able to genuinely give them back to those around me.  This week "staying true" has been the theme.  Staying true in my words, my actions, my love, my feelings.  Putting myself out there and not being afraid of what might come my way.

October: Embrace Who I Am!!

October is here and I can hardly believe it.  My new happiness project resolution for this month is:  Embrace Who I Am!  This means:  say what I mean, feel what I feel, be honest, be decisive, don't judge myself and stay true to myself.  This will be more difficult to track during the month but I want to keep track of the times I actually do embrace who I am in any given situation.  I have realized over my life that growing up in the religious culture and performance-based life I had, I would often times have to do one thing even though I was feeling another.  Being a performer, on stage, practicing, perfecting a skill--they are all great things that I would never give up or exchange for anything.  But, in living that way for basically three decades, I have discovered that I have lost a little bit of myself in all of that.  I hope that I can really be in tune with myself this month and what it is I really feel about things.  I want my life and what's going on in my head to match up.  I want to be able to report at least one experience each week where I found myself staying true to who I am, whether that is through words, actions or some kind of realization in my life.  Onward and upward!